Diet opens new can of worms on London streets

UK division of Atkins Company to close after disappointing sales of its branded products. 3 million Britons potentially threatened with paying significantly higher prices for low carb food items are expected to turn to the black market for their supply.

Several international cartels have reportedly positioned themselves to establish an exclusive hold over the potentially lucrative low-carb food market in the UK. American officials believe warehouses in New Jersey containing a full 6 months supply of relabeled, secondary market product are poised to flood the streets of London, Brighton and Glasgow with LC contraband by early summer.

Interpol said today in an unusual statement, "We're very concerned over this development. Illicit low carb food look alikes are extremely difficult to sort out from standard import foods and as a result we have had to initiate a crash training program for inspector officers and retrain our agent associates to infiltrate and monitor local grocery establishments as opposed to the usual nightclub venues................"at which point this reporter fell asleep.

The Mirror issued the following report starting with today's headline.

Mob opens private lowcarb club on east side. Alleged sex for food ring suspected

The discovery of a private dining club in London's fashionable Eastside today sparked concern among authorities. The raid fueled speculation that the recent influx of black market Atkins food has sparked a crime wave which threatens to ravage health conscious Londoners and turn the diet wars into a full fledged challenge to British culinaires.

Calls for the government takeover of food imports echoed from Parliamentary hallways to 10 Downing